


Text It

by deltachye



Category: The Martian (2015), The Martian - All Media Types, The Martian - Andy Weir
Genre: F/M, Light Angst, One Shot, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Text Log format, dates and canon are relative because i suck, it's this old salty potato man's birthday, self-indulgence™, u know my thirst train gotta throw that ass in a circle, write some extra ass bs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 15:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12345309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deltachye/pseuds/deltachye
Summary: [reader x mark watney][0045] WATNEY: [The content of this entry has been censored due to coarse language.]





	Text It

****

_**sent.** _

* * *

 

 **JUL072035:HERMES-CORRESPONDENCE-PERSONAL-TEXTLOG:WATNEYMARK-USA-ARESIII-02**  
[17:11] WATNEY: miss me yet?  
[17:11] C-05: You literally just left Earth like, an hour ago.  
[17:11] WATNEY: so you DO miss me ;)  
[17:11] C-05: I certainly don’t anymore with that attitude.  
[17:12] WATNEY: ur incredibly unsupportive for a girlfriend  
[17:12] C-05: What’s with the text talk? And the emoticons? You’re turning 41, for fuck’s sake. Get a grip.  
[17:13] WATNEY: wowwww way to bring age into it  
[17:13] WATNEY: But fine. I’ll resume my pretentious ‘I have a phD so you better listen to the shit out of my ass’ syntax, as the lady commands it.  
[17:13] C-05: The shit comes out of your mouth, though, so you might want to revise that statement. Anyways, how was liftoff? Did your brain leak out your ears?  
[17:13] WATNEY: Yes, actually. I’m texting you via the afterlife. Great reception! Casper says hi.  
[17:14] C-05: The friendly ghost?  
[17:14] WATNEY: No, Casper the Unfriendly Living Guy. Yes, the friendly ghost! Where’s your childhood?!  
[17:14] C-05: I left it behind in my childhood. It seems that you haven’t gotten out of that stage yet.  
[17:15] WATNEY: Rude. All I get from you is this. I’m going to leave your contact name as C-05.  
[17:15] C-05: What’s that even stand for?  
[17:15] WATNEY: Contact 5.  
[17:15] C-05: Oh, I’m not even C-01? Who’s your number 1 contact, huh?  
[17:15] WATNEY: My side hoes. Also, my mother. I don’t know how to change it, though, so you get to be stuck as C-05.  
[17:15] C-05: I am as charmed as always. Grandpa.  
[17:16] WATNEY: Did you watch the pre-launch livestream? (Grandma.)  
[17:16] C-05: Of course. Thanks for calling me your ‘main bitch’ on live television. Not like it’s broadcasted to 101 nations worldwide.  
[17:16] WATNEY: That’s how you know I love you most.  
[17:17] C-05: As much as I hate to admit it… I guess you’re right.  
[17:17] WATNEY: :*  
[17:17] C-05: Is that a kiss emote?? I’m blocking you.  
[17:17] WATNEY: :,( omg nooooo  
[17:17] C-05: I guess it’ll be easier to break up with you since you’re in orbit.  
[17:18] WATNEY: What a rude thing to say.  
[17:18] C-05: I learnt from the best of the best, after all.  
[17:19] WATNEY: He sounds like a cool dude!  
[17:19] C-05: Unfortunately, he’s the man I love.  
[17:19] WATNEY: :O Are you talking about me??  
[17:19] C-05: No. I’m talking about Caspar the Friendly Ghost. See you in hell, Mark.  
[17:19] WATNEY: Mars is the Roman god of war, not Hell. But I love you too.  
[17:20] C-05: :P  
[17:21] WATNEY: Oh, so NOW you start using emoticons?!

 

 **Subject: Your results are ready.**  
Hello Ms. [Surname],

Your medical results are ready. Please give us a phone call at XXX XXX XXXX or drop back into the clinic in order to pick them up.

 

Northgate Healthcare Drop-in Clinic  
#XXX XX Avenue, XX USA  
XXX XXX XXXX

 

 **AUG022035:HERMES-CORRESPONDENCE-PERSONAL-TEXTLOG:WATNEYMARK-USA-ARESIII-02**  
[0800] WATNEY: I finally got Johannson to change your contact name.  
[0802] [NAME]: I swear, if it’s “Main Bitch”, I’m going to fly to you fuelled with the power of hatred and throttle you.  
[0804] WATNEY: Could you actually? I miss sex. (Also, a form of propulsion that powerful is amazing. You should ask NASA to hire you!) No, it’s not “Main_Bitch”, but thanks for the idea.  
[0806] [NAME]: You and your right hand can figure it out. You’re a smart man, aren’t you? (Man, I’ll e-mail NASA right away!) And #MainBitch already trended on Twitter. It’s over. Let it go. What’s my contact name if it isn’t Main_Bitch?  
[0808] WATNEY: Just your name. Didn’t want to overcomplicate things and accidentally send something saucy to my dad.  
[0810] [NAME]: That’d be a treat. They’ve already called me several times over the past few months to check if I was okay.  
[0812] WATNEY: That’s sweet of them. They okay? Your folks okay? By the way, the lag isn’t my fault. It’s the distance. So don’t be mad that I don’t reply right away.  
[0814] [NAME]: I’m not stupid or 15, I know. But yes, they’re all fine. My mom started to cry when I reminded her that we weren’t married. She’s an emotional lady.  
[0816] WATNEY: Did you want to be married?  
[0818] [NAME]: … that’s really more of a conversation we should be having when you land back on Earth.  
[0820] WATNEY: But that’s far away. You should video call me.  
[0822] [NAME]: That’s okay. We don’t need to talk about it right now.  
[0824] WATNEY: Are you fucking kidding me? I’m literally off the planet and you’re still trying to avoid me and this conversation?  
[0826] [NAME]: … you’re cutting out. I think you’re going into a tunnel?? Bye!  
[0828] WATNEY: There are no tunnels in space!  
[0830] WATNEY: … Despite my frustration, I have to applaud the degree of commitment you have to your avoidance issue.

 

 **[Name]’s iPhone - iMessage Log, Aug 24 2035**  
Mark’s Mom: Thank you for coming dear! You’re such a joy to have over!  
You: Thank you so much for the food! It’s always delicious :)  
Mark’s Mom: I’m sure you miss Mark already?  
You: Sometimes I think he should just stay on Mars. (I’m kidding, though.)  
Mark’s Mom: I had that attitude when I was first falling in love with James, too. Always in denial! Hehe  
You: Don’t worry, Serah, I’m definitely in love with him.  
You: Oh but don’t tell him that because his ego will just blow up even more than it has already  
Mark’s Mom: LOL. Can’t wait to welcome you into the family officially.

 

 **@[username] Twitter Drafts, Sep 01 2035**  
Do you ever just find yourself in a really awkward situation even though your man is halfway to Mars

 

 **SEP052035:DATADUMP275-JPEG-DEST.HERMES:WATNEYMARK-USA-ARESIII-02**  
Ryss_First_Day_At_School.jpg  
Baby_Phi.jpg  
CapitalsGame033.jpg  
Harveys_Wedding01.jpg  
Harveys_Wedding02.jpg  
Harveys_Wedding03.jpg  
Harveys_Wedding05.jpg  
Harveys_Wedding06.jpg  
Harveys_Wedding07.jpg  
SexyPic_NotReallyASexyPicPleaseDontCensorMeNasa.jpg  
Our_Dog88.jpg

 

 **SEP292035:HERMES-CORRESPONDENCE-PERSONAL-TEXTLOG:WATNEYMARK-USA-ARESIII-02**  
[1311] DAD: Cubs are down . Yankees pullig ahead  
[1313] WATNEY: Fuck.  
[1315] DAD: Langugae  
[1317] WATNEY: Darn*.

 

 **OCT122035:HERMES-CORRESPONDENCE-PERSONAL-TEXTLOG:WATNEYMARK-USA-ARESIII-02**  
[2314] [NAME]: Happy birthday you old fart.  
[2317] WATNEY: I’m surprised you remembered! You barely made it on time.  
[2320] [NAME]: It’s still only six. But I guess it’s UTC+0 for you… what time zone are you even on?  
[2323] WATNEY: I don’t know, really. HTZ: Hermes Time Zone? And hey, you didn’t get up at 12 AM to wish me happy birthday like everybody on Twitter did? How rude of you.  
[2326] [NAME]: Some astronaut you are.  & hell no. Besides, you have your whole livestream thing for the kids coming up, don’t you? I’m sure you’ll mention it then like the big egotistical maniac you are on there.  
[2329] WATNEY: I’m not an egotistical maniac. And everybody loves the Hermes livestreams. Apparently, I’m the world’s hottest astronaut. ;)  
[2332] [NAME]: Dr. Beck already took the lead on Facebook, didn’t you know? And yes, you are egotistical. You said that you wanted to have a bronze statue of yourself erected right in front of Armstrong’s.  
[2335] WATNEY: What?! No way, not Beck! You’re a liar. Hey, a man can only dream. I didn’t say I wanted to knock DOWN Neil Armstrong’s, now, did I? Just want to be in front.  
[2338] [NAME]: Would I lie about anything that’d annoy you? But really, happy birthday. I’m sorry I can’t celebrate with you in person. I really wanted to give you the limited ed D&D kit I got for you.  
[2341] WATNEY: True. WHAT?? YOU DID NOT.  
[2344] [NAME]: I sure as heck did. I know you best. Nerd.  
[2347] WATNEY: Forever your nerd, if you’re not kidding me. Send pics.  
[2350] [NAME]: Of course… you only want pictures of the dungeons and dragons set. Typical Mark.  
[2353] WATNEY: Isn’t that why you love me?  
[2356] [NAME]: Normally I’d retort with my raw wit, but it’s your birthday, so I’ll be honest. Yes. That’s why I love you.  
[2400] WATNEY: Sucks that the vid-feature is down, too. I wanted to see your face. Maybe a bit more than that, too. Wink.  
[0003] [NAME]: You’re on a public space craft and I’m pretty sure NASA would’ve blocked porn. But you’ll be landing on Mars soon. Isn’t that even more exciting?  
[0006] WATNEY: Than a D&D set? Fuck no! You’ve got the wrong guy. As if you needed to make leaving Earth even harder for me!  
[0009] [NAME]: (we) will still be waiting when you get back. Also, the newest Star Trek was really good. That new guy was an excellent Spock, much to everybody’s surprise.  
[0012] WATNEY: You watched it without me?!  
[0015] [NAME]: You’re gone for too long, so yeah. I went with Olivia and the kids. They really liked it. Thought Uncle Mark looked like one of the fat aliens.  
[0018] WATNEY: Rude. You and my nephews both know I am a ruggedly handsome Captain Kirk man. I’m the guy in space, for fuck’s sake. And fine, but we’re going to go see it again the second I get back.  
[0021] [NAME]: Promise is a promise. Isn’t it late up there, wherever you are? You should go to sleep. Sorry I didn’t message you earlier.  
[0024] WATNEY: You don’t have to keep apologizing to me. Yeah, I’m off curfew right now, but that’s fine. I can stay up for a little longer. Consider it a birthday gift.  
[0027] [NAME]: Sorry, I guess I’m feeling kind of guilty. Shit. I apologized again. But you should really go to bed if you’re off curfew. I don’t need NASA on my ass.  
[0030] WATNEY: ? Guilty for what?  
[0033] [NAME]: …I didn’t tell you something before you left. But I’m not going to tell you until you land on Mars. You need to be focused on your mission and navigating deep space.  
[0036] WATNEY: ??? What the fuck didn’t you tell me? I’m not mad (even though I sound that way over text and you have no way of verifying my words to be truthful or not), you know you can tell me anything. And the ship can handle itself. I’m not even the pilot. I’m the plant and fix-it guy.  
[0039] [NAME]: Remember that avoidant personality I have? I’m going to be avoidant again. I’m sorry, Mark, but I love you. Happy birthday! Bye!!  
[0042] WATNEY: Happy birthday my ass! Stop logging out whenever you don’t want to talk to me!  
[0045] WATNEY: [The content of this entry has been censored due to coarse language.]

 

 **Mark’s Phone - SMS Log, June 01 2032**  
You: [Name] holy shit  
You: [Name] holy shit  
You: WAKE UP I’VE CALLED YOU 18 TIMES  
[Name]: What the fuck it’s two in the goddamn morning  
You: I’m not supposed to tell you this but…  
[Name]: If you’re cheating on me, at least have the decency to admit it at a business hour  
You: I’ve been selected as an astronaut for group 27.  
[Name]: Lol  
[Name]: WAIT FOR REAL  
You: WOULD I REALLY PISS YOU OFF THIS EARLY FOR NOTHING.  
[Name]: NASA PICKED YOU?  
You: YES NASA PICKED ME  
[Name]: OH MY GOD! I’M ACTUALLY PROUD OF YOU!!  
You: Now you can’t ever break up with me, because you’d be breaking up with an astronaut. American Hero. Guy who’s going to Mars. Your big L.  
[Name]: I might still break up w/ you if you call me at 2 am again

 

 **@MarkWatneyUSA Twitter Log, Oct 31 2035**  
Happy Halloween, everybody! Tfcoarshings are getting spooky with @AVogel aboard the @Hermes.  
_2 attached images_

 

 **NOV02035:HERMES-CORRESPONDENCE-PERSONAL-TEXTLOG:WATNEYMARK-USA-ARESIII-02**  
[0650] WATNEY: Hi, Mom. How are you and Dad? Timbit’s foot okay? I heard from [Name] that Timbit jumped out for a ball and got her bad knee. How’s Auntie Olivia and their new kid?  
[0700] MOM: Mark: yes, Dad and I are healthy &happy. Timmy is recovering, but the poor old dog is always so full of energy. [Name] is flying out to Chicago next week. Aunt Olivia and Phi are doing well. Phi doesn’t seem to cry at all. How is space? You’re landing on Mars very soon, right?  
[0710] WATNEY: She’s visiting? I haven’t managed to talk to [Name] recently. Phi seems like a cute baby, but Ryss is a handful. Yes, we are touching down on Mars in 5 days. It’s very exciting, since the Hermes is a lot less interesting and a lot more cramped.  
[0720] MOM: What! Why haven’t you talked to her! Talk to her right now!  
[0730] WATNEY: Uh… I might if she’d reply. Actually, I need your help on this. I tried to bring up the topic of marriage, and she pretty much ran away. Bad sign?  
[0740] MOM: That’s odd. She avoids talking about that with me, too. Maybe she isn’t ready? But I think she would be. I was ready to marry your father even before we got pregnant. And you’re getting far too old to stay single, Mark.  
[0750] WATNEY: Ha ha, way to dig at my age (as always). I don’t want to rush her or anything. I mean, marriage isn’t even that important. What are you talking about pregnancy for, anyways? It’s gross. I don’t want to think about my parents doing… ugh.  
[0800] MOM: She didn’t tell you? She’s already four months.  
[0810] WATNEY: Four months into what?  
[0820] MOM: Oh honey. You’ve got a big storm coming.

 

 **NOV02035:HERMES-CORRESPONDENCE-PERSONAL-TEXTLOG:WATNEYMARK-USA-ARESIII-02**  
[0830] WATNEY: IF I WEREN’T FLYING THROUGH SPACE TOWARDS MARS RIGHT NOW, I WOULD LITERALLY HUNT YOU DOWN. YOU DON’T JUST NOT TELL SOMEBODY THAT YOU’RE PREGNANT!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!??  
[0900] [NAME]: Aw man. Your mom?  
[0910] WATNEY: ARE YOLU FUCKING KIDDIIGN ME?? IT /IS/ MINE ISN”T IT??  
[0920] [NAME]: Yep. Pretty sure.  
[0930] WATNEY: Can you just call me? Please.  
[0940] [NAME]: Video transmissions don’t work since you’re so far out. Takes 10 minutes for a text. Sucks to suck, right? Oh well!!!  
[0950] WATNEY: I don’t need you to tell me how the Hermes works, I’m ON it. And you can still pick up my fucking audio call!  
[1000] [NAME]: Look at the time, don’t you have to do important astronaut stuff now? Bye Mark!  
[1010] WATNEY: For FUCKS sake!!!

 

 **Log Entry 2: Sol 11**  
All right. So. News:

Things still fucking suck.

I had a moment where I thought about giving up. I mean, MAV’s gone. Everybody else: vamoose. I’ve got me, myself, and I, and that’s sad company. No comms. No nothing. Just… me.

It wouldn’t be very hard to die in a hostile environment. NASA tried their best, but when you’re sitting pretty on Mars, it’s not that hard to find things to go wrong. Step out of the Hab. Re-program the suit to dispense CO. Chew on vicodins.

But I’m not going to do any of that. I’m going to live. And it’s not even just to spite whatever divine force landed me in this mess I the first place. …although it’s a big motivator, now that I think about it.

My wound is still opening every now and then because I keep pushing it too far. I don’t really have a choice. If I don’t figure out what to do, I’ll be dead meat for real. And I can’t die. I’m not dying. Not here, and not until I put up a fight, at the very least.

I’ve got things to get back to.

So… since I don’t know if these logs will ever be recovered… I might as well spill my guts. Right? All the shrinks say bottling it up is bad for you, and since it’s saner to chat to a camera than to myself in the shower, I’m just going to rant until I feel better. Which might take a while.

I never did get around to contacting [Name] again. She’s my girlfriend, by the way. Lovely gal. Until she stopped taking my calls. She dropped a bomb on me, you know? She told me that she was pregnant. Actually, she didn’t even tell me herself. My _mom_ told me. Over the Hermes version of MSN. Get a load of that!

Deep breath…

Is it me? Did I do something wrong? I mean, I did hurtle off in a spacecraft. And I did get stranded on a planet. Alone. People probably think I’m dead. So yeah, that happening is a bit of a dick move, I guess. But I think not telling your baby daddy that he’s a baby daddy isn’t exactly nice, either. It’s not as if I’d reject her or anything. Maybe she was scared of that. I mean, we never got married despite being together for so long. And let’s face it, we’re not getting any younger. Was that just insecurity?

She was four months when I touched down. Since it’s still November on Earth, she’ll be due in April. Maybe early April. If that happens, the kid’ll be an Aries. Get this—ruler of Aries is Ares. Mars.

Fitting, eh?

I just have to get back so that the kid knows that they’ve got the world’s coolest parents. Imagine that. “Hey, what does your dad do?” “Oh, nothing. He’s an astronaut. He got stranded on Mars alone and made it back. By himself. Fuck you, Jimmy! Coolest pops ever!” The show and tells will be freaking _awesome_.

Yeah. I’m going to figure this out.

Soon. For now, I’m going to log off because my stitches just tore again. Ow.

 

 **RE:Subject: Rescheduled Ultrasound**  
Hello Ms. [Surname],

We have moved your appointment to January 13th. It is strongly recommended that you see a doctor frequently as you start to near the second and third trimesters of your pregnancy.

 

Northgate Healthcare Drop-in Clinic  
#XXX XX Avenue, XX USA  
XXX XXX XXXX

 

 **RE:Subject: Regarding the loss of Dr. Mark Watney**  
Hello Ms. Montrose,

Thank you for delivering the news. I think I will have to decline your offer to deliver a eulogy at the public memorial. I’ve never been great at public speaking. I wouldn’t want to screw up his funeral by sobbing on camera like a little bitch.

It is indeed a great loss to mankind.

 

[Name] [Surname]

 **RE:RE:Subject: Regarding the loss of Dr. Mark Watney**  
Greetings again Ms. [Surname],

I’ve attached some forms and documents that you (his emergency contact person) will need to sign and look over. I’m sorry to bring up paperwork in a moment of grief. Please fax or scan them over when it’s convenient.

(Just between you and I… I don’t think crying makes you a ‘little bitch’. I think it just makes you human.)

I’m sure you loved him dearly, and I once again apologize for your loss.

 

PR Director, NASA  
Annie Montrose

 

 **[Name]’s iPhone - iMessage Log, November 30 2035**  
Mark’s Mom: How are you sweetie?  
You: Doing as well as I can, I guess. The flight back to Chicago was fine?  
Mark’s Mom: Yes, we are OK  
You: I just feel like I should’ve said more to him.  
You: I never thought he would actually like. … I don’t know. Not make it back.  
Mark’s Mom: Me too. How is the baby?  
You: Fine. We’ll be fine. As ok as we can get without him, I guess.  
You: I really loved him. I never got to say that again.  
Mark’s Mom: There wasn’t anything you could have done, dear.  
You: Sometimes I still pull up the chat box as if it’ll work. As if he’ll just suddenly send something back.  
You: Sorry. I’m fine. You and James don’t need to worry. I’m just…  
You: Grieving.  
Mark’s Mom: Of course. Take as much time as you need. Call if you need anything OK [Name]??  
You: I wish it didn’t hurt so much is all.

 

 **[Name]’s iPhone - iMessage Log, January 13 2036**  
Dakota: so?? boy or girl???  
You: Boy  
Dakota: omg!!!!!!! i am sooooo happy 4 u!! do you have a name????  
You: Is Mark Jr. too tacky? Like, is he going to get bullied at school for it?  
Dakota: no ofc not!! that’s really sweet :(( u ok??  
You: Yeah. I’m ok.  
Dakota: i’m going to die this baby is going to be so cute!!!!!!!!!!  
You: I hope he doesn’t get Mark’s ugly nose  
Dakota: omg ya he did kind of have a weird nose…  
You: Lol his ghost is probably so mad at me. I mean I don’t really believe in them but I can still see his ‘ugh’ face you know?  
Dakota: ahaha yeah! dw [Name] even if you don’t believe I still think he’s looking over you.  
You: You know what? Sometimes I feel like he’s watching me, too.

 

 **Log Entry 2: Sol 97**  
It fucking worked. It worked. It worked! I am a fucking little g _god_!

Okay. Hype down. I got the signal with Pathfinder, but there’s still a lot of shit to be worked out. The damn thing can still blow up in my face, with my brand of luck. But after night after night of just staring at this faraway dot in the sky that’s Earth… everything I’ve ever known, was, and loved… this is good. This is great. Another celebratory boo-yah and then I’ll be done, give me a sec.

All right, I’m done for real. I’m waiting for the damn thing to boot up, but I’m still living on an adrenaline high from getting it online. Soon I’ll have to set up a communication system, but for now, I can still rest.

Sometimes I hope that [Name] can feel me staring down at her. It’s ridiculous, but it helps me get to sleep if I really try and think hard. Like I’m beaming my thoughts down across space time. Yeah, the scientist in me cringed, too. But the world can’t all be atoms and quantum physics.

I hope she’s doing all right.

I’ll be back soon. She can kick my ass for fake-dying then. If I can get somehow get comms up with NASA nerds, I might be able to talk to her again. That thought alone made me feel like I could run right back to Earth.

As for now… thought beaming will have to do.

 

 **[Name]’s iCloud Notes, January 27 2036**  
Why does it still feel like Mark’s always around? I knew I’d never get over him, but this is too much. Please don’t be a fucking vengeful ghost. I swear.

 

 **Log Entry 2: Sol 122**  
It happened. I talked to her again.

Now that there’s a chance that people might actually see these embarrassing breakdowns, I put all the important ‘How I’m Living’ data on entry drive 1. Drive 2 is for me to be a gross ugly sap.

I talked to her again! I really fucking did!

Of course, it’s not as if I had a pleasant phone call. I didn’t even get to have a text conversation since that precious comm time is reserved for the NASA nerds trying to keep my sorry ass alive. Which is good, I guess, but I’m sick of having Scientist #34 pick over everything I’m doing. But I got a data dump like I did in the Hermes, and I finally got to hear from her again, along with my parents and friends and crew aboard the Hermes. It’s better than the flat out nothing I had before.

The baby’s doing okay. They had a good birth. She named him Mark Jr, which is tacky, and might get the poor guy bullied. But I mean, if I make it back, it’d be the coolest name ever, right?! Do you think there’ll be a statistical spike in the name ‘Mark’ for Y35 babies? That’d be a way better legacy than my deuces hanging around on Mars.

This is it. It’s really happening. People are coming for me. I’m going to make it off. I mean, I always told myself I was going to live and make it back, but I never really _knew_. I just had to tell myself I did.

It’s really happening.

Once I get onto the Hermes, I’ll be able to receive pictures, videos, and do video calls myself. I know I need to sit around in a vegetative state to conserve the energy for when I finally get picked up off of this shit ass rock, but I can’t help but feel the need to work my energy off. In the end, I ended up doing an EVA to throw rocks around and scream into my helmet and feel sort of productive with this surge of energy. Then I sat down and just stared out. I spent something like an Earth year hating the red dust and cursing every single piece of this place. I hated its hostility. But I’m the alien here. I know I’m not meant to be here, but I am. So it’s kind of beautiful. It’s like living your whole life in a concrete jungle and seeing the wide-open plains for the first time, it’s terrifying, and it’s beautiful. Despite this kind of dissociation, I know who I am. More than ever, now.

I’m a dad. I’m alive. And I’m done with this place.

I’m going to marry her the second I step foot on Terran soil. There’s no bigger relationship test than nearly dying on another planet, right? And, a secret between you and me—I already asked in the e-mail I sent back.

Boo-yah, bitch.

 

**[Name] [Surname] changed her name to [Name] Watney.  
[Name] Watney changed her relationship status to _Engaged_.**

 

 **APR092036:HERMES-CORRESPONDENCE-PERSONAL-TEXTLOG:WATNEYMARK-USA-ARESIII-02**  
[1311] [NAME]: So, did you get the pictures?  
[1321] WATNEY: Yeah. He’s got my nose!!  
[1331] [NAME]: I know. Boo. And hey, before I forget or something cuts out... I love you. Lots.  
[1341] WATNEY: Me too. I’ll be home soon. We’ll be able to live call in a few days once we hit range. You had better not try and run away from this anymore.  
[1351] [NAME]: I’m done running. So yeah, we’re waiting. Asshole.

**Author's Note:**

> Read this elsewhere?: https://goo.gl/ngqfQy


End file.
